How to Climb with Intimidating People

When I was a freshman in college, eager to shake off the lessons of the small town ballet school that first trained me,  I wanted to dance like the cool kids in the basement bar of my dorm.  I would pick my favorite, freakiest dancer in the red-lit room, stand directly behind them, and move exactly how they were moving.  Left foot, right foot, booty shake, hip.  Watching them wiggle and flow helped me try out moves that I did not yet know how to conjure from my own body.  Though I have long since learned to let the spirit of dance inhabit my muscles and limbs unfettered, I still enjoy following my favorite dancer on the floor.  I glide like their shadow, when they turn, I turn; shuffle, shuffle, flip, twist.

A lot of people tell me they are intimidated to climb with people who are climbing harder grades, or more outdoors, or cracks, or multi pitch, or whatever they think is the next cooler chapter in climbing.

I get it, nobody wants to be a hassle. 

But if you can’t say yes to their invitation, you’re missing out on an opportunity to learn and have lots of fun with someone who genuinely wants you around.

So I am writing this to help you say yes to the invitations and tell you three things.  First, you get better at climbing like how I got better at dancing: imitation.  Then there are The Rules and Details.

If you follow The Rules and pay attention to Details, walk how I walk and dance how I dance, I promise you’ll get better at climbing and never be a drag to your rock star friends.

The Rules

Let your friends take care of you. They definitely know more about climbing than you do, and they know it.  So relax.  Offer to carry anything, and if they say no, don’t worry about it.  If they offer to put up an “easy” climb for you, go for it! If they remember something you forgot, be happy!

Get good at belaying and spotting. Because, yes, after your hardcore friends warm up on your project, they will want to climb something harder.  And since you’ll be tired from projecting all morning, you are perfectly primed to be their support.  Be encouraging and learn how to feed out slack quickly and safely and all is well.

Bring really good snacks.  Lots of them.  And a cooler in the car with cold kombucha and crudité.  You’re not bringing snacks because you owe your friends.  You’re bringing snacks because everyone loves snacks.

Those are easy, right?

But you also want to get better. 

If you’ve ever taken a lesson with me, then you know that the only way to get better at climbing is to pay attention to the details.  The Rules are important for friendship and self esteem, but Details will help you improve as a climber.

Details

(this is actually the most important part of this email)

Preparation. How do they prepare for a climb? What did they bring and what did they leave behind? I’m talking layers, food, water, tape, nail clippers, doodads. How do they take care of the car keys and cell phone? When do they read the guidebook? Look for them staring up at the route, planning beta, asking others their experience, racking up, tying in.  What is the general vibe while preparing?

Character. How do your friends act when they are scared or trying something very difficult? Or after a fall?  Or when someone else is on the route?  How do they deal with the crux? How do they treat their lover?  How do they treat their dog?  How do they decide when the day is over? Is it dark, are they tired or injured or did everyone decide to go swimming?

Movement.  What do they do with their feet? How are they moving their head?  Do they rest and when and how long? What do you like about their style and flow?

If you pay attention to these details you’ll soon realize there are somethings your friends do that work really well for you, and some habits that don’t.  You might even start to notice some dents and tarnish on their bright suits of armor.  Maybe they get scared more than you realized.  Maybe they got lost on the approach.  Maybe they throw a fit when they fail and you don’t actually want to be like them as much as you thought you did.

Climbing with people you look up to means coming to respect your own climbing ambitions enough that you can receive their invitation, friendship and knowledge.  I hope you can look up to what they have learned about the mechanics of rock climbing, dance how they dance, and still find a rhythm that’s uniquely your own.