Emotional Limits
Most climbers (myself included) let go of the holds long before they have met their physical limit.
When do they let go?
When they are at their EMOTIONAL limit.
And believe it or not, I encourage this type of decision making.
Without a deep foundation of sturdy tendons and experience falling built over many years, climbing to your physical limit often results in injury.
So in this email I am not going to explain how to use your mind to help you climb at your physical limit! I am going to help you build familiarity with your emotional landscape so you can make good decisions on the rock for longer and longer stretches. And yes, this often means you get to make it to the top of more climbs without falling.
You are at your emotional limit when the physical experience of your emotions is more vibrant than your ability to think clearly, breathe or act in kindness to yourself and others.
MENTALLY: A Racing Mind
You know you’re at your emotional limit when your mind is racing. A racing mind usually does not contain thoughts that will keep you on the rock. A racing mind is often repeating itself so loudly and quickly there is no space for any other input or perspective.
Learn to listen for these phrases in your mind:
“I am so far above the last bolt!”
“My arms are so pumped!”
“Everyone is watching me!”
“My belayer/spotter is talking too much and not paying attention!”
“I’m so bad at this!”
“I’m about to fall!”
When you are emotionally regulating in real time, you may still have those thoughts, but they will be lower volume and frequency than thoughts like these:
“I’m climbing really well”
“My arms are pumped but I see the next rest”
“I love how this feels!”
“I can do this!”
You may not yet be at the place where you feel capable, competent or even joyous while climbing. You earn competency and joy by investing a lot of time climbing well within your comfort zone. You are the one choosing which climbs to get on. Are you choosing climbs that accrue joy? Are you choosing climbs where you have a chance to hold onto the hold at the same time as having feelings?
PHYSICALLY: Not Enough Oxygen
Another way you know you’re at your emotional limit is when you have either stopped breathing entirely or are no longer in control of your own heavy, fast, mouth breathing. When you are emotionally regulated, you’re able to take calm, steady breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth both while executing moves and in resting positions. Your body needs oxygen to refresh your muscles. If you unconsciously slip to an emotional limit that restricts your breathing, but can manage to slow down your breath, then keep going up!
THE HEART: Just Plain Mean
Finally, if you find yourself blaming or yelling at your partner, you have definitely reached an emotional limit. Now it is time to take a break from climbing immediately before you cause permanent damage to your belaytionship. You don’t have to be perfect or pretend you don’t have murderous thoughts towards your partner. Over time you can learn that your emotions do not necessarily have to dictate your words.
You may also hear yourself being quite unkind to yourself. Voices like “You’re climbing like shit,” or “What am I even doing here?” Harsh words like these limit the physical range of movement and creativity you can access on a climb. Kindness for yourself while climbing is worth its own Nightmare email, and more. In the meantime you can invest time and energy in learning the origin of these voices. I am here to help.
What affects your emotions?
I find that hunger, lack of sleep, overall life stress, scary exposed climbing situations and real danger all have an immediate, tangible, negative effect on my ability to have my emotions and rock climb at the same time. I don’t want my emotions to go away, or only experience them when I’m not climbing. Or worst of all, use climbing to prevent myself from having them. I want to give my feelings the attention they demand. As I deepen my understanding of emotions, when and how they show up, I am able to have feelings and climb hard at the same time.
When you are at your emotional limit, you’re not able to make decisions grounded in reality. Reality may include real dangers that require attention. Reality demands oxygen. The reality is that on some level you care about your climbing partner, your own body and your relationship with climbing itself.
Nightmare says, stop climbing when you are at your emotional limit. Taking a fall or sitting on the rope allows your thoughts and breath to slow down, for reality to resume its place in the conversation. As you deepen your understanding of your own emotions, you’ll be rewarded with more satisfying sends.